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Tears once again stream down her cheeks. Once again she failed. Once again she was rejected. She had fought the feelings from the start, knowing how it all would end. But she wasn’t strong enough. Couldn’t resist. Started trusting. Started feeling safe. Although she knew this was dangerous territory she went on. Who can resist love when the feeling is mutual? The battles she fought with herself in her mind. Was she to surrender completely? Was she willing to risk offering her heart to someone again?
Over time she couldn’t help herself. She surrendered. And catastrophy seemed far away. He was so certain and had an answer to all of her objections. What was she so afraid of? He felt nothing but devotion for her. He reassured her time and time again.
As she reached the sanctuary in the relationship where she felt loved, felt safe, like nothing could rupture their happiness, she finally understood how love was supposed to feel. Like the unity that two people form could never be threatened or compromised.
What she did not know was that, as she reached that conclusion, his certainty was fading away and doubt was planting a seed in his heart. The seed grew and soon an entire plant of doubt was blossoming inside him. Soon her affection made him uneasy.
And so came the end as she had foreseen it. He left her – punishing her. Love being the crime. He sentenced her to loneliness. Alone in the dark she realized that the road to feeling safe in a relationship just got longer.
The darkness still holds her, unwilling to prevail. A fragment of her heart is urging her to find that kind of love again, but her entire body and mind objects – knowing that the fall will hurt even more next time. More afraid of love than ever she decides to try to tame the loneliness and befriend it. Maybe she’ll succeed. Only time will tell.